I didn’t get a chance to finish yesterday’s post. It’s weird, it’s been so long since I’ve thought in these terms that I feel like my use of language is really rusty. So, to summarize: The Buddhist / Epicurean ‘Tend to your Garden’-ism is totally appealing. It’s seductive. It is, in fact, what I’m doing with my life right now. Ignoring the problems of the world at large and minimizing suffering by limiting the world’s access to your emotive core. See also: Silent Scorn, Suicide In Small Increments. Then there’s the Anger and Judgement Brigade, who in my mind have never managed to overcome Thich Nhat Hanh’s vicious skewering of them in Being Peace – that you cannot convincingly agitate for peace when you are so visibly consumed by hatred. Combine that with my resistance to being involved in some kind of Token Opposition, and I’e ended up in exactly the kind of Epicurean retreat that I don’t want to be in. I don’t seem to trust that my faith or my happiness will survive more than a casual encounter with the world at large. Which is a fucking ridiculous idea to have. Ed used to say to me that serenity was easy when you were catching aces and kings, but a long run of eights and twos would give you a chance to test your faith. That’s kind of where I see the limits of Epicureanism (who I’m really using as a kind of Straw Man here). I’m having a hard time keeping the threads of this though separate for any extended period of time, I think it’s been too long since I thought this way.